JUNE 14 2016

You name it, I’ve studied it. I’m a 52 year old Counsellor and Hypnotherapist who in the beginning of my career inhaled every type of therapy available as I was focused on how to reach and transform the pain in the clients I saw. Amongst traditional counselling, Hypnosis, NLP and life skills I studied, Reiki, Kahuna healing, Tibetan singing bowls ,Energy healing and Chakras, meditation, Music therapy, Art Therapy, Indian Head Massage, Jungian dream analysis and symbolism, and many more alternative therapies .In fact my interests in healing and the human psyche was birthed by my Mother who used to take me to everything that would serve to open my mind to choices in how we heal and connect; Baptist churches, Haitian churches, Indian temples, Psychic fairs, Gypsy readers. My mother wanted me to form my own opinions after I tried something new before I simply rejected it. She showed me the value in honouring the many paths that people take and that choices feed the many needs and languages of what an individual may need. I continued this into my own career so I could at least understand and be more expansive in my approach. I didn’t embrace everything but I enjoyed the journey. I followed the advice of a wise Mentor , one of many I’ve had, who said “Deirdre, there is a high road and low road to everything…always take the high road and you’ll be fine.” Obviously it’s up to the individual to determine what that highroad is and set the boundaries accordingly. I understand the excitement in knowledge, in opening the way for growth, healing, inner reflection and wellness. Embracing new experiences, saying yes , as knowledge IS POWER.

So, it’s not that the Wellness Industry is new….it’s just the wheel is being ‘reinvented” and I worry, as an observer, that REAL is no longer REAL if it’s taught as the latest marketing tool to support your brand and increase those sales. I mean I’m not sure how you feel but I cringe when I see yet another video pop up in my Facebook feed of someone who’s revealing their deepest fear, with puppy eyes sincerity only to quickly tag in that super turbo blender and latest Kale recipe, or some pyramid brand product . Don’t get me wrong, it’s exciting social media, and it’s so powerful. It’s a whole new form of reaching your perspective clients and I do have to navigate through or should I say “stumble” in order to keep up and stay …in the game…but I’m trying to do it with integrity and with the basic common courtesy I’d like others to give me. But it is a game, isn’t it?

What was initially designed to connect us has in fact disconnected us, not just to each other, but worst of all, to ourselves…you know…THE REAL YOU. Assuming you had the time in your own quiet to explore, challenge and reflect on the REAL you. No, its not quite the same thing if every single facet of your self exploration is documented and uploaded ,tagged and stamped with your brand. I mean I remember my Dad spending our entire Disneyland holiday behind the lens of his new 8track video camera. He wasn’t even present on the rides , didn’t participate in our excited dialogues about “Pirates of the Caribbean” ,he was too busy, filming. He missed out on the whole adventure, and to his frustrations those tapes collected dust in his home office as no one cared to view them. You’re either in it, absorbing, inhaling the experience or you’re not. Documenting can disconnect us from the experiencing. Imagine just having fun versus knowing you’re on camera for everyone to see and trying to look like you’re having fun while at the same time looking fabulously young and vital ,slim and REAL.

Perhaps it’s because I have a different window in which I see things. I’ve had clients who have come to see me who have had parts of their stomach removed in order to lose weight under the strains and pursuits of “representing” the required look to support the weight loss or fitness industry they blog about, or to maintain their brand, often being their image. I’ve had clients known in social media for their confidence and strength, cry throughout our sessions overwhelmed by the pressures of feeling unable to show their vulnerabilities.

According to the Fifth National annual Stress and Wellbeing survey in Australia they found Australians are experiencing higher levels of stress, anxiety and depression. In that survey it was found 66 % of teens need to share their experiences online if they were having a good time.Teens are getting confused between cyber world and the real world. Of those who felt the highest amount of feeling disconnected or left out the age range was 18-35.

So is this Wellness industry reaching us, healing us in a way that expands our choices ,inspires us,stirs deeper insights, assist us in being authentic, finding our real inner wholeness, uniqueness, calming us and finding powerful ways of introducing alternative therapies . Or, is this omnipresent force a dangerous weapon of mass destruction concealed in clever marketing, and branding, manipulating our psyche ? Is it fuelling our confusion over what is real, what we need for our individual self growth and not just following the trend.

As an Aries I admittedly scan over my horoscope each morning while having coffee, not a deconstructed coffee, just coffee, but I take it light-heartedly as surely one size can’t fit all.So perhaps instead of us all doing yoga, drinking kale infused smoothies, becoming vegan, mastering duck face,instagraming everything we eat…well what we want others to think we eat, uploading our videos documenting our secrets fears and heartfelt testimonials or how much fun we and our followers who sell our brand are having and the crazy things we get up to cause it’s just fun, fun fun. Maybe we don’t need to do all of that.

Maybe it’s ok that I assume there are others out there just like me who are happy to learn about other services and therapies but with a bit more integrity and honesty. And maybe in doing so, we can allow the natural selective process of people deciding for themselves what feels right. Opening up the way for people to actually hear, feel, sense, connect to their own intuition. I know it might not make me famous, and it will probably cost in a few lost clients, but when I started in this wellness industry over 20 years ago it was about helping other find what’s real to them, and about them. I was taught to assess each client and refer them on if I couldn’t help them , to only treat what I felt they needed or even more importantly what they felt they needed. I had to take various forms of therapy myself to learn and sensitize myself to the experience of my clients. I learned there was no one size fit all method…just various tools, method, theories, I collected to work with as every client must be treated individually as we are all as unique as our fingerprints.

A few years ago I went into a clothing store near my office and the sales girl immediately swooped in on me, holding up dresses she thought would look amazing on me ( yeah when I was 16),accessorizing it with belts, earring, shoes, purse, necklace, it happened suddenly and aggressively. Having studied NLP I recognize the learned tactics…distract, bombard so quickly as to confuse, offer a deal with no time to waste and take the money. I refused, walked out and never, ever went back. When I shop I like to be left alone, to vibe it out, sense, imagine how I’d look in something, where I’d wear it. I know what I like and what I need, I felt violated, and disrespected.

I think the wellness industry in many ways is doing that now.Just today I received an acceptance to join a spiritual group only to be tagged simultaneously by a member offering a FREE Alchemy course that will help me remove the fears I didn’t know I had that prevent me from making the millions I deserve. I responded to a FREE tag on Facebook last year as it came via someone I admired and trusted. Turns out the FREE information that offered to help me write my book had 7 levels of services I needed, each progressing in the 1000s $$$ it would cost AND amazingly it would only take 48 hours to write my book. Funny, a published author I know agonizes for years and does extensive research before he releases his work, but I guess as a graduate of Columbia he is just pedantic, 48 hrs for a book, and its not just about making money? Just this weekend I was at The Mind Body Spirit Expo with my daughter when a woman asked her if she wanted to sign up for a FREE vacation. She said, no thanks.  ‘NOOOOO  scathed the woman,  who doesn’t want a vacation?’ ” I don’t said my daughter.”  “That’s ridiculous, everyone wants a vacation said the woman”.  She was livid, I imagine the FREE wasn’t so free as why did it get her so riled up. All these false gurus who seemingly have our best interest are stressing me out and I wonder how its really affecting others. Whatever happened to just being real.I’m starting to think my own inner rebel is staying away from yoga just to prove my distain for being a sheep as I consider myself more wolf, albeit a wolf with seizing muscles and a sore back. If a service or brand really are good, things will sell themselves right? If something doesn’t sell it means  I need to assess the product or service not up my covert manipulation social media strategies, right? We are smarter than this, aren’t we? Integrity matters, doesn’t it? And just for the record, Integrity is doing the right thing even when no one knows and no one is watching. Not everyone needs to eat kale in fact its ok to hate it, right?

If we go back in time to what wellness used to be, it a much more personal, quiet, inner reflective, intuitive journey that was shared mainly with oneself. Nothing I ever took or studied was forced upon me, or hyper-marketed and inundated in my life. I had to search, look in obscure places, be in the right synchronized places, meeting the right person at that right moment,for me at that time or reading the right notice board. It took time, and I had time, because the more I learned the more I realized I knew nothing and that the evolution of me and my own wellness would be a life long journey. That the process of seeking the things or experiences or therapists or healers I needed was just as important as the experiences I took from them. I learned wellness was an intrinsic experience, that my true wellness and happiness and evolution was created by the internal me not reaching out to the external world. My experience or journey of my own wellness is far from over. I don’t have 1000s of likes or videos or a pictorial collection of duck face images of all the amazing things I’ve done. I couldn’t even fully put into words all I’ve learned. But I feel well, whole, I’ve worked hard at me, and I’m intrigued and excited by who I’ve become.

In the Buddhist depiction of Heaven and Hell there are 6 monks sitting around a round table, each with a bowl of hot porridge and a spoon 2 feet long. In Hell the monks struggle with their excessively long spoons and eventually starve to death, but in Heaven, they feed each other. If you imagined being in the same room with 1000s of you, would it be Heaven or Hell?

My intention is not to disregard the wonders of social media. I love seeing pictures of my friends overseas, my children just having fun, my grandkid’s latest achievements and the global consciousness and response to crisis. However, like a car its both powerful in it’s ability to take you places yet dangerous in the wrong hands.

I merely act a voice for the preservation of Wellness as outside of some great selfies it serves a much more vital role in the prevention of disease, mental disharmony and the pathway to the authentic you. So my message is simply to, Take time out , unplug from all the bombardment of what you should be eating, doing, or how you should look or feel or act, and remember what you used to love; music, dancing, tennis, laughing, art, and go do it. Do things on your own, try something new, and if you don’t like it, at least you tried. Keep some things to yourself, your greatest validation comes from within you. Get out in nature, do things that make you laugh, that make you feel loved or special or even desired. And at some point , when you feel ready, find a therapist that’s right for you. Decide if you need a Male or a female, the type of therapy that interests you and the qualification you want them to have. Find a picture of the potential therapist and Vibe it out, and do some work on you, accountable people are the healthiest people .Most importantly enjoy the process, you have time. The moment we stop philosophizing, reflecting, thinking for ourselves and listening in to our own intuition, being real, individual and evolving is the moment we are no longer alive on this earth, and I wish for all of you to reach the wonderful old age of 115.

Stay real

Trust your intuition

Deirdre Rolfe
Clinical Counsellor and Clinical Hypnotherapist


Brain scanning technology is quickly approachi...

Brain scanning technology is quickly approaching levels of detail that will have serious implications (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


Both success and failure start in the MIND as a thought.Each thought then sets off a flood of electro-chemical energy in your physical brain.Your related mind-set then determines how you will evaluate and respond to that thought.

A mindset is a “mental tendency or habit”.Most of us get stuck here.Our mindsets lead us through life,for good or for bad.We just except it as part of who we are.Often feeling powerless to affect any of the changes we desire.However, our mindset tendencies or habits go much deeper.A mindset is really only the superficial level.Go deeper, and you will discover the actual source lies in your subconscious.

What is behind a limiting mindset?

Your mind-sets will either carry you forward or limit you.But whether positive or negative,mindsets are mental gates that have a very real physical reality in your brain.The gates take advantage of a natural tendency of your brain to favor the familiar – often called habits.

Our brains naturally establish neural pathways that direct our actions.If you have always driven a certain way to work, your brain will lay that out in your brain as a very stable neural network.Then when you get into your car to go to work, you don’t even need to think about where you are going. Your actions are automatic.

The same thing happens when you think a though of “starting a new business”.Your brain will immediately look for the most stable pre-existing “start of of new business” neural network and will direct your thoughts and actions along that path.It then connects with physical set points that create your ‘start a new business” mindset.

What are setponts?

Set-points are something .like gates that place limits on your thoughts and actions.If you had a painful failure when you once tried to “start a business” you will likely have a physical set-point that will try to save you from future failure and pain.These set points are embedded in emotionally charged neural networks that create your mindsets, and are  at the core of what you feel are your personal limitations.

Improve your potential.

To build a true success mind-set , your need to dive in and remodel the set-points built into your subconscious mind.You could spend years in counselling to do this, but there is a much faster far more enjoyable way…HYPNOSIS.

OK then, so what is a thought?

On the level of your mind, a thought is basically energy that cause an electro-chemical response in your brain.The net result is that your brain’s neurons then fire in a certain pattern.That produces tiny currents of electrical energy that pass along definite pathways.These currents can be traced as “brain waves” by attaching electrode to your skull and attaching the electrodes to an EEG.

Your Brain  actually produces between 5 and 10 volts of brain wave energy-enough to light up the inside of a refrigerator.

The electrical current produced by your thought is then broadcast in  the form of electromagnetic brain waves to each of your cells-and also straight out into your environment.

So what does THAT say about your mind’s limitless potential?


Your mind’s set points are not based on your true mind power, physical or success potentials.They are experience based memories that have become set into your brain’s neural networks so solidly that they have becomes beliefs.

And even your beliefs are NOT what you think.They are seldom accurate and can be totally false and do NOT necessary serve you at all.They may actually be trapping you in a limited reality that does NOT reflect who you can be..


Is your reality reflecting the brain you want….or the brain you have?


Deirdre Rolfe


Hypnosislapband,virtualband,banding,hypnolapband….so what is it all about…and does it work…and if it works …how does it work anyways?

I had a client in last week, who came to see me to Stop-smoking, because someone he worked with had seen me to stop smoking with great sucess and he came to me because someone he knew saw me for Hypnogastricband. Word of mouth is my main staple🙂 Now this new client, told me a remarkable story about that client who had hypnogastricband a few years before…that was incredible. You see , even after 20 years of working as a Clinical Hypnotist, with all the wows and amazement the powers of the mind has shown me…it never gets tired…there is still always another wow moment just around the corner…which proves the limitlessness of our own capabilities.

So, this woman who had hypnogastricband, felt full, in fact she easily let go of weight and in total lost an amazing 60 kilos.But that isn’t even the most amazing part…you see , after just a few weeks of having had the “procedure” she had “symptoms” which prompted her to see her Doctor…they were: re-flux, burping,slight constipation from eating significantly less,low tolerance for more than minimal food solids and slow sipping of liquids,and just a very slight feeling of being tired.The Doctor looked at all of her symptoms and knowing her well asked if she had any surgery she hadn’t told him about as all of her symptoms mimicked someone who had undergone stomach sleeve or band surgery.The client then explained she had had hypnosislapband…her Doctor…was simply, amazed.

Now understand these are powerful results and most people fall into a range of symptoms between controlling their eating, feeling full, and having a mental sense of their experience to the other spectrum of fully and completely Feeling as if the surgery has occurred.Its a powerful result…and Ive seen other powerful cases.

One woman I worked with had essential tremors…we were able to convince her subconscious mind she had a disc placed between the electroneurons that fired causing her to tremor ,blocking them and therefore minimizing the tremors.

So if within the content of a Clinical setting these results are constant and consistent…then out there on our own…i wonder what we are doing…on that autopilot response to positively or negatively influence our physical body…or our emotions…or our approach to the world we live in.

Be very aware of the environment you allow yourself to live in, experience, absorb through your sense…because your environment is as contagious as the common cold.And remember…your subconscious mind…is always listening.

If you are interesting in experiencing the Hypnosislapband procedure, go to and you can purchase the entire program for a fraction of what it would cost in person.Grab a mate and share the price as you receive downloaded audio files you keep🙂

You are powerful…Hypnosis when done by a Clinical , qualified practitioner…can create instant, long lasting powerful changes.

Deirdre Rolfe M.T.C.

Clinical Hypnotherapy and Clinical Counselling

Kinesthetic emotions

Kinesthetic is one of the forms of processing we use to filter information we receive from he world around us. Kinesthetic is the feeling, emotive, sensing and physical processing of information.And although the other processing pathways; visual and auditory are as powerful at the actual point of absorption, I have witnessed in my Therapeutic practice and experienced within myself a deeper resonance that is felt and symptomatically reactive from a physical body level.

Consider grief, anxiety, depression, PTSD, childhood abuse,unexpressed tears,voice,thoughts,emotions,and how they can become trapped. CBT or talk therapy helps to  alleviates the head stuff…allows one to intellectualize and get to the understandings , reframes, gives topical solutions.But you can reach a point where Over talking, over analyzing can actually be harmful…perpetuating that loop of incessant memories…or recalling a story you live by…are stuck in…creating a reality you don’t necessarily want to be stuck in any longer.However there are deeper pits, wounds that can only be release in the same way they got in….kinestetically.

Physical movement through dance, exercise,running, yoga, breath work, sound through music or no sound at all,being physically warm, blanketed, comforted, warm soothing drinks, walks in cool air, sitting by the beach, getting a massage, having a long soothing bubble bath.

As you learn to micromanage and release the built up “tensions” you’ve become so accustomed to ignoring…the signals to alert you that you are out of balance: anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, weight gain…diminish.

Find ways to release….and you will allow your body to reset to its calmer state of equilibrium.


Deirdre Rolfe M.T.C.



The miracle PILL


What if there was a pill that you could take daily, that would give you an instant energy boost, make you feel better about yourself, infuse confidence, de-stress you, calm your nerves, make your mind sharper, clearer, keep you lean, fit,help regulate your emotions and create overall emotional well being. Would you buy it?Would you take it daily?

Well you can…and this pill could be your new drug of choice…and whats even better is this drug is all natural.And what if I told you unlike most drugs that lose their effectiveness over time , this drug gets stronger.And what if I told you this drug is instant and has lingering long-term effects.

So do you want to know what it is?


Yup….that dreaded word is actually your feel good cure to most things that ail you.In fact I tell all my clients if I had a prescription pad I’d be writing EXERCISE 5xs per week or more.Exercise boots those natural chemicals in your body and helps regulate them. Endorphins, serotonin,Dopamine, all that good stuff that keeps your mind, your emotions, your hormones, your inner chemistry, your physical health , in check.And yet…most people ignore its power.

Its easier to turn to cigarettes , drinking, gambling,drugs, excessive shopping, or over eating…right?Wrong! In fact the same formula you used to get “addicted” to those sabotaging behaviors is the same formula you can use to redirect your new drug of choice toward EXERCISE

YES you can CRAVE exercise .

All you need to do is :
Make a decision to change
Dont think…just do it (get up, get dressed, get out the door and look forward to embracing the fresh air and walk…and oh by the way since you are there already walk/run…and when the last thing you feel like doing is walking another minute…add five more.)
Focus on the feel good endorphin , the dopamine the serotonin you get at the end…your feel good daily pill that keeps you OK

The more you do this…the more you crave doing this…the more you exercise and FOCUS On the rewards…the more you crave it.

Grief, depression, stress, anxiety, frustrations….unexpressed parts of you…get trapped in your body….if you dont’ release them, they stagnant turning into chronic depression, generalized anxiety,general malaise, perpetuating a cycle of feeling dis empowered in yourself.

The TRUTH however, is that you possess something very powerful within you…right now…its your MIND.And you can control your mind creating incredible shifts of change, instantly…once you understand the FORMULA and how to direct it…harness its true power.
Ill write more on your mind…or check out my site at

But for today….right now…crave exercise…move more each and every day
Dont think…just do it…focused on how great it feels to get fresh air…focused on the rewards…focused on taking that feel good pill each and everyday…the more you move…the better you will feel…the more in control of you , you become.

Celebrate your greatness

Deirdre Rolfe M.T.C.
Clinical Hypnotherapist and Clinical Counsellor

Conflict resolution


Here is a conflict resolution PLAN and at the end a conflict resolution exercise to help you with your interpersonal relationship. Communication remains the number one issue that gets in the way of a healthy relationship. Very few people know how to be a good communicator as the process is much more complicated than most realize. When you take the time to communicate with your partner, consider the environment in which you chose to discuss something. Is the space you’re in quiet, comfortable, private? Is the timing right? Are you both able to discuss things in a cal m manner…because once it escalates the process shuts down and you are no longer going to get positive results.
Follow the guidelines below to use as a template in your own life

The Conflict resolution exercise

The issue between us is________________
(Write down the issue)
Partner one
I feel _________ when you_________ or I feel_________because ___________
I need_______________because it helps me___________________

My responsibility in this is__________________and I can commit to___________________________________________________________________

To resolve this we could(list as many options as you can think of)________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Partner two
I I need_______________because it helps me___________________

I feel _________ when you_________ or I feel_________because ___________

My responsibility in this is__________________and I can commit to____________________________________________________________________

To resolve this we could… (again, list as many options as you can think of)________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Now take some time to discuss and consider the options available. Make sure the solutions are practical and positive.

Both of you

We have agreed to________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The change(s) I am going to make are_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The change(s) my partner is going to make are_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

We will sit down and talk about how the changes are going on…
(set a date)____________________________________________________

Communication exercise
Allow 1 hr 30 minutes each
Facing each other, each person is allowed one uninterrupted 30 min session .Even if you don’t feel you have enough to say for 30 minutes utilize the whole time anyways. The only reason your partner may have to speak at any time during those 30 mins is to ask their partner to a) repeat what was just said or B) to ask for further clarification. After each partner has had 30 minutes to express whatever they needed to express the two are then to depart and not discuss any aspect of this exercise for a minimum of 24hrs
The purpose of this exercise is to both facilitate active listening and effective communication skills.
Some effective communication tips to remember
Use sentences structuring form your perspective e.g. “I feel”….”I feel hurt when you forget our get –together because I feel as if you don’t value the time you spend with me”
Much better than You sentences “You make me feel sad because you forget our time together.”
Another good communication skill sis “I need” “I need to feel loved, and I need to be heard because it makes me feel safe” rather than “You don’t make me feel safe and you don’t listen to me”

Eliminate “Always, Never, Shoulds and buts”
You always say you’ll do it but never do
You never do anything right
I love you but….
I’m sorry but….
Always and never are so qualifying…how can anyone improve if there is no room for progression.

Deirdre Rolfe MTC
Clinical Hypnotherapist

My life plan

My Life PLANnote_to_self


Imagine , in the future, your old 90 year old self, looking back, to now….how do you want to be remembered?

How do you want to be remembered in self ; your values, beliefs, what mattered to you, what you did, how you contributed.

As a Partner? Did you love, were you married, for how long , what did you do that was amazing for your partner, for love???

And children” Did you have any…what was amazing about them and why.What was your relationship like with them?

Follow all the areas of your life as prompted below and write down the answers from your 90 year old self’s perspective.

This is your life Plan….keep it…and re-read it every year to measure how you’re doing…the insights will astound you.

List each category you’ve chosen for  your life chart and answer this question for each one.

How do you want to be remembered by the following?

Self, Partnership, children, family, Love,friends, career, community, Life’s purpose,life’s contribution

Deirdre Rolfe

Clinical Hypnotherapist






Deirdre Rolfe


June 7 2006


Few people stop to explore what they think and why they think the way they do. Do you know what you think about? Do you know why you think the way you do? Do you realize just how much your life is affected by the way you think? How what you think affects what you perceive and what you perceive affects how you behave. So how do you think…what are your thoughts?


 The answer is revealed by the life you lead. Take the time right now…to just reflect on your life…looking from the outside in. How does it look?


Is your life happy, fulfilling, adventuresome, meaningful and successful? If it is, you are probably thinking thoughts of happiness, hope, positivity, possibility, and choice. If however, you are wading through an endless stream of problems and finding life painful to bear, perhaps it is caused by thoughts of doubt, failure, anger, helplessness, resentment, feelings of incompetence, and pain. In other words, be aware that your thoughts have power…the power to create a self-fulfilling reality, to direct your life. Whether you think life is miserable or great, you’re correct, for life is whatever you think it is.


The hardest lessons for any of us to reach are to fully realize that the thoughts we have and the life we live is all a matter of CHOICE. Now I’m not saying that everything that happens in our life is “our” choice, but how you”choose” to perceive it “is”. We have within all of us the ability to choose to live happily and successfully or not! Having said that it raises the question why would someone choose to be miserable…but the truth is…there is a payoff in being the victim. If we make everyone else responsible for our miserable existence, than we don’t have to be. So one can say they didn’t get the job they wanted…or haven’t met the right person…or didn’t finish school…or didn’t lose weight…or never travelled to their favourite country…or never became a professional career person…because of someone else’s influence.


Now, I’m not talking about what you couldn’t do as a child. Children aren’t able to create their own lives due to the nature of being dependent.But…once we are adults we no longer have to live the life given to us…we can now live the life we choose.


And what about bad relationships that require you to stay plugged in for the kids but keep you in perpetual states of unhappiness. Is that really a choice made for the benefit of the children? Are they really happiest with two unhappy parents?


What about toxic family members that just constantly require attention and take from us never giving, and generate a negative web we feel trapped in. Is that the other person’s fault…or are you choosing to allow that person to affect your life. Dr Phil says “There are no victims…only volunteers”.


 In life all things have their opposites…the Ying and Yang…the light and the dark…the positive and the negative…its all there…constantly around us…and we can choose to focus on either perspective depending on our thoughts. Our thoughts are the measure of the glass half-full or the glass half-empty.


The power…our true greatest power…is the awareness we receive when we take responsibility for our thoughts and re-shape them to create the life we want. To remove ourselves from the life we have right now. To step outside that life and have a good look. Decide if this is really what you want or if you want more. And if you want more, what is it you want. What are the things you want to bring into your life? Then believe you can have them…and make them happen.


Negativity breeds negativity…positivity breeds positivity…its classic quantum physics.


Challenge your thoughts. Don’t allow excuses, or negative thoughts to create obstacles on your path .Take a zero tolerance approach to your life and do it NOW!

Deirdre Rolfe M.T.C.



The shadow


The Shadow                                             13/07/2008


The Shadow is a psychological term introduced by the late Swiss psychiatrist, Dr. Carl G. Jung. It is everything in us that is unconscious, repressed, undeveloped and denied. These are dark rejected aspects of our being as well as light, so there is positive undeveloped potential in the Shadow that we don’t know about because anything that is unconscious, we don’t know about.

The Shadow is an archetype. And what an archetype simply means is that it is typical in consciousness for everyone. Everyone has a Shadow. This is not something that one or two people have. We all have a Shadow and a confrontation with the Shadow is essential for self awareness. We cannot learn about ourselves if we do not learn about our Shadow so therefore we are going to attract it through the mirrors of other people.

The first thing we have to do in order to begin to see our Shadow side, is to take 100% responsibility for our lives. This is a very difficult thing to do and no one does this overnight so we have to be patient with ourselves.

Being in the human experience, we have all had many painful, difficult experiences where it clearly looks like it is the other persons fault, or bad luck in life or whatever else we want to call it. So taking total responsibility for what appears to come to us is no easy task but it is well worth the effort because when we take responsibility for what happens to us, we can then learn and grow from our experiences and make new choices for ourselves.

Changing our attitude from blame to responsibility will change what happens next in our world. Our destiny is of our own making and what goes on inside of us will be reflected outside of us all the time.

I am very fond of this ancient axiom given to us by the alchemists of long ago: “As above, so below, as within, so without, so that the miracle of the one can be established.” What it is saying is that what is within us will also be outside of us. Inner states of consciousness will be reflected in outer situations time and time again. If we are willing to look at the significance of these repeating patterns, we will see the synchronicity of events and situations and ultimately once integrated the miracle of the one is established as we become one with ourselves.

We have all had experiences with other people that really irritate us. Whenever we feel ourselves over-reacting emotionally to a quality or characteristic in someone else that pushes all of our buttons (and there will be a repulsive element to it), we can be sure that we are seeing a part of our own Shadow.

We will not be able to stand this other person or be around them at all. The reaction is usually extreme distaste as these characteristics or qualities that we despise or hate in others are our own and they are usually operating outside of our awareness. They are in our unconscious and usually they will be the exact opposite of what we believe to be true about ourselves.

Now a person carrying a light part of our Shadow we will be very drawn to, and may even fall in love with, and this is the ‘Gold’ part of our Shadow. So we can also project some of our very positive qualities when we meet someone we truly admire, but most of us have more trouble with the negative experiences as we encounter our Shadow. This is the psyche’s way of bringing itself into the light meaning the light of consciousness.

Projection is an unconscious psychological mechanism. We all project onto other people parts of ourselves that we disown, that we deny. We will usually not identify with the projected quality or characteristic at all. It’s them. It’s not us.

So notice. Notice who comes into your life that irritates you or pushes your buttons. It’s usually something that is so unconscious within yourself, that it’s impossible to see that it’s about yourself. If it indeed is a part of your own Shadow, in time you are going to see how it’s going to start repeating in patterns.

Jung believed that whatever we are highly identified with in our character, the opposite extreme will be in our unconscious. He called this the law of opposites. So unconsciously we will attract the parts of us that we actually badly need.

It can be really interesting when a friend points out to us something about our character, and we will say to them, “I’m not like that.” We will resent them. We will be angry with them and we won’t want to have anything to do with them anymore because we will feel misunderstood.

So whenever you catch yourself saying “I’m not like that,” if it gave you an emotional charge when they said it, — you probably are like that, you just don’t know it. A really good way to bring your Shadow qualities into awareness is to ask a couple of really close friends to describe you on paper. They see our Shadow side way before we do. Our real friends love all of us, the light and the dark, and accept our humanity the way we accept theirs. And isn’t acceptance what we are all looking for?

How many times have you said something and then said, “I didn’t mean it that way.” Well we did mean it that way and our Shadow decided to have its say. The Shadow side of us relates to life much more authentically and it will come out whether we like it or not.

Repressing or denying our Shadow can lead us into experiences where we are overwhelmed by it and it can take us over. Then we can end up with egg on our face, acting in the very way we have denied or condemned in others and saying to ourselves, “Why did I act like that? I am not like that.” Well when we say it like that — “I’m not like that,” — we are like that, we just don’t know it.

There are many hidden and undeveloped parts in all of us and in attempting to keep our self-image intact, we will completely deny their existence. We do this because we want to be accepted by our society, by our families and our peers. Our baser qualities — our hypocritical behavior, our excessive greed, our ruthlessness, our ability to be manipulative — go straight into the unconscious. But that doesn’t mean they are not active in our life, they just live in the unconscious (unsupervised), and periodically they burst forth into our awareness and propel us into situations that we would much rather avoid.

So the more we know about ourselves, the more choices we have. We can then choose not to behave in a certain way. When we don’t know about something, then it will take on a compulsive, autonomous element to it.

Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is
embodied in the individual’s conscious life,
the blacker and denser it is.
At all counts, it forms an unconscious snag,
thwarting our most well-meant intentions
Dr. Carl G. Jung

We have to be willing to see the part we play in attracting certain relationship issues into our lives. We can’t change anything we don’t know about. And we certainly can’t change other people so we must be aware of our total Self, the dark and the light, and then at the same time make choices about our own behavior.

No one does this overnight. Shadow work is a life-long retrieval process and it takes years of patient inner dialogue with oneself to understand and even admit to ourselves that Shadow work is even realistic and necessary. It’s not easy to do and takes time and energy. Not always, but most often it begins at midlife when we become determined to see the truth about ourselves after a series of painful relationships.

It is impossible to truly learn about our whole Self and grow into more conscious human beings without this kind of internal self-honesty and  a great deal of courage. The end result however will create a level of  balance and calm in ones inner world, ultimately affecting one’s outer world.

Deirdre Rolfe

Clinical Hypnotherapist and Counsellor

Colour Psychology


Colour Psychology

Never underestimate the power of colour , or lack of, in your life.There have been numerous studies that prove colour’s powerful effect.In fact in several states in the U.S., prisons have issued PINK only uniforms to their prisoners in a means to subdue them, and it works.In fact the Psychology of colour is now a very important factor in marketing, in business , in public speaking, based on its unconscious reaction it provokes.Restaurants used RED to stimulate hunger, spas use light green or blues, Psychiatric hospitals use soft pinks or greens.

So I wonder how your clothes and the colours you wear affect your emotional state and also how people respond to you.

Let say you have an important job interview…wear red is bold and filled with energy, but for a circumstance like this, it might come across as too arrogant, headstrong.Best colours for a job interview are shirt in blue and white…showing intelligence (blue) and trust (white), mixed with a blue suit.Brown is also good to denote a conservative, calm approach, for woman a green dress shows you’re keen, blue (intelligence, sharp) and so on.

In a consulting room, splashes of red can increase attention and stimulate the excitement of the work you do, show a sharpness…but not too much.

On a date is where colour can really be fun…depending on your mood and what you want to convey red is definitely a power statement.Bold, confident, energized…green, calm, easy-going, trustworthy, blue sharp, clean, intelligent, brown classic, conservative, yellow a bit alternative, happy-go-lucky, .

Refer to the chart above and colour code your life.

Going for a run, feeling tired…definately wear RED .


Deirdre Rolfe