Kinesthetic emotions

Kinesthetic is one of the forms of processing we use to filter information we receive from he world around us. Kinesthetic is the feeling, emotive, sensing and physical processing of information.And although the other processing pathways; visual and auditory are as powerful at the actual point of absorption, I have witnessed in my Therapeutic practice and experienced within myself a deeper resonance that is felt and symptomatically reactive from a physical body level.

Consider grief, anxiety, depression, PTSD, childhood abuse,unexpressed tears,voice,thoughts,emotions,and how they can become trapped. CBT or talk therapy helps to  alleviates the head stuff…allows one to intellectualize and get to the understandings , reframes, gives topical solutions.But you can reach a point where Over talking, over analyzing can actually be harmful…perpetuating that loop of incessant memories…or recalling a story you live by…are stuck in…creating a reality you don’t necessarily want to be stuck in any longer.However there are deeper pits, wounds that can only be release in the same way they got in….kinestetically.

Physical movement through dance, exercise,running, yoga, breath work, sound through music or no sound at all,being physically warm, blanketed, comforted, warm soothing drinks, walks in cool air, sitting by the beach, getting a massage, having a long soothing bubble bath.

As you learn to micromanage and release the built up “tensions” you’ve become so accustomed to ignoring…the signals to alert you that you are out of balance: anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, weight gain…diminish.

Find ways to release….and you will allow your body to reset to its calmer state of equilibrium.

 

Deirdre Rolfe M.T.C.

CounsellorOnCall

http://www.counselloroncall.com.au

http://www.hypnosislapband.com.au

 

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The miracle PILL

1981663_stock-photo-instant-miracle-capsule-pill-offers-salvation-recovery

What if there was a pill that you could take daily, that would give you an instant energy boost, make you feel better about yourself, infuse confidence, de-stress you, calm your nerves, make your mind sharper, clearer, keep you lean, fit,help regulate your emotions and create overall emotional well being. Would you buy it?Would you take it daily?

Well you can…and this pill could be your new drug of choice…and whats even better is this drug is all natural.And what if I told you unlike most drugs that lose their effectiveness over time , this drug gets stronger.And what if I told you this drug is instant and has lingering long-term effects.

So do you want to know what it is?

EXERCISE.

Yup….that dreaded word is actually your feel good cure to most things that ail you.In fact I tell all my clients if I had a prescription pad I’d be writing EXERCISE 5xs per week or more.Exercise boots those natural chemicals in your body and helps regulate them. Endorphins, serotonin,Dopamine, all that good stuff that keeps your mind, your emotions, your hormones, your inner chemistry, your physical health , in check.And yet…most people ignore its power.

Its easier to turn to cigarettes , drinking, gambling,drugs, excessive shopping, or over eating…right?Wrong! In fact the same formula you used to get “addicted” to those sabotaging behaviors is the same formula you can use to redirect your new drug of choice toward EXERCISE

YES you can CRAVE exercise .

All you need to do is :
Make a decision to change
Dont think…just do it (get up, get dressed, get out the door and look forward to embracing the fresh air and walk…and oh by the way since you are there already walk/run…and when the last thing you feel like doing is walking another minute…add five more.)
Focus on the feel good endorphin , the dopamine the serotonin you get at the end…your feel good daily pill that keeps you OK

The more you do this…the more you crave doing this…the more you exercise and FOCUS On the rewards…the more you crave it.

Grief, depression, stress, anxiety, frustrations….unexpressed parts of you…get trapped in your body….if you dont’ release them, they stagnant turning into chronic depression, generalized anxiety,general malaise, perpetuating a cycle of feeling dis empowered in yourself.

The TRUTH however, is that you possess something very powerful within you…right now…its your MIND.And you can control your mind creating incredible shifts of change, instantly…once you understand the FORMULA and how to direct it…harness its true power.
Ill write more on your mind…or check out my site at http://www.counselloroncall.com.au

But for today….right now…crave exercise…move more each and every day
Dont think…just do it…focused on how great it feels to get fresh air…focused on the rewards…focused on taking that feel good pill each and everyday…the more you move…the better you will feel…the more in control of you , you become.

Celebrate your greatness

Deirdre Rolfe M.T.C.
Clinical Hypnotherapist and Clinical Counsellor
http://www.counselloroncall.com.au
http://www.hypnosislapband.com.au

Conflict resolution

conflict

Here is a conflict resolution PLAN and at the end a conflict resolution exercise to help you with your interpersonal relationship. Communication remains the number one issue that gets in the way of a healthy relationship. Very few people know how to be a good communicator as the process is much more complicated than most realize. When you take the time to communicate with your partner, consider the environment in which you chose to discuss something. Is the space you’re in quiet, comfortable, private? Is the timing right? Are you both able to discuss things in a cal m manner…because once it escalates the process shuts down and you are no longer going to get positive results.
Follow the guidelines below to use as a template in your own life

The Conflict resolution exercise

The issue between us is________________
(Write down the issue)
Partner one
I feel _________ when you_________ or I feel_________because ___________
I need_______________because it helps me___________________

My responsibility in this is__________________and I can commit to___________________________________________________________________

To resolve this we could(list as many options as you can think of)________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Partner two
I I need_______________because it helps me___________________

I feel _________ when you_________ or I feel_________because ___________

My responsibility in this is__________________and I can commit to____________________________________________________________________

To resolve this we could… (again, list as many options as you can think of)________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Now take some time to discuss and consider the options available. Make sure the solutions are practical and positive.

Both of you

We have agreed to________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________

The change(s) I am going to make are_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The change(s) my partner is going to make are_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

We will sit down and talk about how the changes are going on…
(set a date)____________________________________________________

Communication exercise
Allow 1 hr 30 minutes each
Facing each other, each person is allowed one uninterrupted 30 min session .Even if you don’t feel you have enough to say for 30 minutes utilize the whole time anyways. The only reason your partner may have to speak at any time during those 30 mins is to ask their partner to a) repeat what was just said or B) to ask for further clarification. After each partner has had 30 minutes to express whatever they needed to express the two are then to depart and not discuss any aspect of this exercise for a minimum of 24hrs
The purpose of this exercise is to both facilitate active listening and effective communication skills.
Some effective communication tips to remember
“I”
Use sentences structuring form your perspective e.g. “I feel”….”I feel hurt when you forget our get –together because I feel as if you don’t value the time you spend with me”
Much better than You sentences “You make me feel sad because you forget our time together.”
Another good communication skill sis “I need” “I need to feel loved, and I need to be heard because it makes me feel safe” rather than “You don’t make me feel safe and you don’t listen to me”

Eliminate “Always, Never, Shoulds and buts”
You always say you’ll do it but never do
You never do anything right
I love you but….
I’m sorry but….
Always and never are so qualifying…how can anyone improve if there is no room for progression.

Deirdre Rolfe MTC
Clinical Hypnotherapist
http://www.counselloroncall.com.au

My life plan

My Life PLANnote_to_self

LifePlan

Imagine , in the future, your old 90 year old self, looking back, to now….how do you want to be remembered?

How do you want to be remembered in self ; your values, beliefs, what mattered to you, what you did, how you contributed.

As a Partner? Did you love, were you married, for how long , what did you do that was amazing for your partner, for love???

And children” Did you have any…what was amazing about them and why.What was your relationship like with them?

Follow all the areas of your life as prompted below and write down the answers from your 90 year old self’s perspective.

This is your life Plan….keep it…and re-read it every year to measure how you’re doing…the insights will astound you.

List each category you’ve chosen for  your life chart and answer this question for each one.

How do you want to be remembered by the following?

Self, Partnership, children, family, Love,friends, career, community, Life’s purpose,life’s contribution

Deirdre Rolfe

Clinical Hypnotherapist

http://www.counselloroncall.com.au

http://www.hypnosislapband.com.au

THE POWER OF THOUGHT

 

 

THE POWER OF THOUGHT

 

Deirdre Rolfe

 

June 7 2006

 

Few people stop to explore what they think and why they think the way they do. Do you know what you think about? Do you know why you think the way you do? Do you realize just how much your life is affected by the way you think? How what you think affects what you perceive and what you perceive affects how you behave. So how do you think…what are your thoughts?

 

 The answer is revealed by the life you lead. Take the time right now…to just reflect on your life…looking from the outside in. How does it look?

 

Is your life happy, fulfilling, adventuresome, meaningful and successful? If it is, you are probably thinking thoughts of happiness, hope, positivity, possibility, and choice. If however, you are wading through an endless stream of problems and finding life painful to bear, perhaps it is caused by thoughts of doubt, failure, anger, helplessness, resentment, feelings of incompetence, and pain. In other words, be aware that your thoughts have power…the power to create a self-fulfilling reality, to direct your life. Whether you think life is miserable or great, you’re correct, for life is whatever you think it is.

 

The hardest lessons for any of us to reach are to fully realize that the thoughts we have and the life we live is all a matter of CHOICE. Now I’m not saying that everything that happens in our life is “our” choice, but how you”choose” to perceive it “is”. We have within all of us the ability to choose to live happily and successfully or not! Having said that it raises the question why would someone choose to be miserable…but the truth is…there is a payoff in being the victim. If we make everyone else responsible for our miserable existence, than we don’t have to be. So one can say they didn’t get the job they wanted…or haven’t met the right person…or didn’t finish school…or didn’t lose weight…or never travelled to their favourite country…or never became a professional career person…because of someone else’s influence.

 

Now, I’m not talking about what you couldn’t do as a child. Children aren’t able to create their own lives due to the nature of being dependent.But…once we are adults we no longer have to live the life given to us…we can now live the life we choose.

 

And what about bad relationships that require you to stay plugged in for the kids but keep you in perpetual states of unhappiness. Is that really a choice made for the benefit of the children? Are they really happiest with two unhappy parents?

 

What about toxic family members that just constantly require attention and take from us never giving, and generate a negative web we feel trapped in. Is that the other person’s fault…or are you choosing to allow that person to affect your life. Dr Phil says “There are no victims…only volunteers”.

 

 In life all things have their opposites…the Ying and Yang…the light and the dark…the positive and the negative…its all there…constantly around us…and we can choose to focus on either perspective depending on our thoughts. Our thoughts are the measure of the glass half-full or the glass half-empty.

 

The power…our true greatest power…is the awareness we receive when we take responsibility for our thoughts and re-shape them to create the life we want. To remove ourselves from the life we have right now. To step outside that life and have a good look. Decide if this is really what you want or if you want more. And if you want more, what is it you want. What are the things you want to bring into your life? Then believe you can have them…and make them happen.

 

Negativity breeds negativity…positivity breeds positivity…its classic quantum physics.

 

Challenge your thoughts. Don’t allow excuses, or negative thoughts to create obstacles on your path .Take a zero tolerance approach to your life and do it NOW!

Deirdre Rolfe M.T.C.

www.counselloroncall.com.au

www.hypnosislapband.com.au

 

 

The shadow

the_shadow_on_bridge

The Shadow                                             13/07/2008

 

The Shadow is a psychological term introduced by the late Swiss psychiatrist, Dr. Carl G. Jung. It is everything in us that is unconscious, repressed, undeveloped and denied. These are dark rejected aspects of our being as well as light, so there is positive undeveloped potential in the Shadow that we don’t know about because anything that is unconscious, we don’t know about.

The Shadow is an archetype. And what an archetype simply means is that it is typical in consciousness for everyone. Everyone has a Shadow. This is not something that one or two people have. We all have a Shadow and a confrontation with the Shadow is essential for self awareness. We cannot learn about ourselves if we do not learn about our Shadow so therefore we are going to attract it through the mirrors of other people.

The first thing we have to do in order to begin to see our Shadow side, is to take 100% responsibility for our lives. This is a very difficult thing to do and no one does this overnight so we have to be patient with ourselves.

Being in the human experience, we have all had many painful, difficult experiences where it clearly looks like it is the other persons fault, or bad luck in life or whatever else we want to call it. So taking total responsibility for what appears to come to us is no easy task but it is well worth the effort because when we take responsibility for what happens to us, we can then learn and grow from our experiences and make new choices for ourselves.

Changing our attitude from blame to responsibility will change what happens next in our world. Our destiny is of our own making and what goes on inside of us will be reflected outside of us all the time.

I am very fond of this ancient axiom given to us by the alchemists of long ago: “As above, so below, as within, so without, so that the miracle of the one can be established.” What it is saying is that what is within us will also be outside of us. Inner states of consciousness will be reflected in outer situations time and time again. If we are willing to look at the significance of these repeating patterns, we will see the synchronicity of events and situations and ultimately once integrated the miracle of the one is established as we become one with ourselves.

We have all had experiences with other people that really irritate us. Whenever we feel ourselves over-reacting emotionally to a quality or characteristic in someone else that pushes all of our buttons (and there will be a repulsive element to it), we can be sure that we are seeing a part of our own Shadow.

We will not be able to stand this other person or be around them at all. The reaction is usually extreme distaste as these characteristics or qualities that we despise or hate in others are our own and they are usually operating outside of our awareness. They are in our unconscious and usually they will be the exact opposite of what we believe to be true about ourselves.

Now a person carrying a light part of our Shadow we will be very drawn to, and may even fall in love with, and this is the ‘Gold’ part of our Shadow. So we can also project some of our very positive qualities when we meet someone we truly admire, but most of us have more trouble with the negative experiences as we encounter our Shadow. This is the psyche’s way of bringing itself into the light meaning the light of consciousness.

Projection is an unconscious psychological mechanism. We all project onto other people parts of ourselves that we disown, that we deny. We will usually not identify with the projected quality or characteristic at all. It’s them. It’s not us.

So notice. Notice who comes into your life that irritates you or pushes your buttons. It’s usually something that is so unconscious within yourself, that it’s impossible to see that it’s about yourself. If it indeed is a part of your own Shadow, in time you are going to see how it’s going to start repeating in patterns.

Jung believed that whatever we are highly identified with in our character, the opposite extreme will be in our unconscious. He called this the law of opposites. So unconsciously we will attract the parts of us that we actually badly need.

It can be really interesting when a friend points out to us something about our character, and we will say to them, “I’m not like that.” We will resent them. We will be angry with them and we won’t want to have anything to do with them anymore because we will feel misunderstood.

So whenever you catch yourself saying “I’m not like that,” if it gave you an emotional charge when they said it, — you probably are like that, you just don’t know it. A really good way to bring your Shadow qualities into awareness is to ask a couple of really close friends to describe you on paper. They see our Shadow side way before we do. Our real friends love all of us, the light and the dark, and accept our humanity the way we accept theirs. And isn’t acceptance what we are all looking for?

How many times have you said something and then said, “I didn’t mean it that way.” Well we did mean it that way and our Shadow decided to have its say. The Shadow side of us relates to life much more authentically and it will come out whether we like it or not.

Repressing or denying our Shadow can lead us into experiences where we are overwhelmed by it and it can take us over. Then we can end up with egg on our face, acting in the very way we have denied or condemned in others and saying to ourselves, “Why did I act like that? I am not like that.” Well when we say it like that — “I’m not like that,” — we are like that, we just don’t know it.

There are many hidden and undeveloped parts in all of us and in attempting to keep our self-image intact, we will completely deny their existence. We do this because we want to be accepted by our society, by our families and our peers. Our baser qualities — our hypocritical behavior, our excessive greed, our ruthlessness, our ability to be manipulative — go straight into the unconscious. But that doesn’t mean they are not active in our life, they just live in the unconscious (unsupervised), and periodically they burst forth into our awareness and propel us into situations that we would much rather avoid.

So the more we know about ourselves, the more choices we have. We can then choose not to behave in a certain way. When we don’t know about something, then it will take on a compulsive, autonomous element to it.

Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is
embodied in the individual’s conscious life,
the blacker and denser it is.
At all counts, it forms an unconscious snag,
thwarting our most well-meant intentions
.
Dr. Carl G. Jung

We have to be willing to see the part we play in attracting certain relationship issues into our lives. We can’t change anything we don’t know about. And we certainly can’t change other people so we must be aware of our total Self, the dark and the light, and then at the same time make choices about our own behavior.

No one does this overnight. Shadow work is a life-long retrieval process and it takes years of patient inner dialogue with oneself to understand and even admit to ourselves that Shadow work is even realistic and necessary. It’s not easy to do and takes time and energy. Not always, but most often it begins at midlife when we become determined to see the truth about ourselves after a series of painful relationships.

It is impossible to truly learn about our whole Self and grow into more conscious human beings without this kind of internal self-honesty and  a great deal of courage. The end result however will create a level of  balance and calm in ones inner world, ultimately affecting one’s outer world.

Deirdre Rolfe

Clinical Hypnotherapist and Counsellor

www.counselloroncall.com.au

www.hypnosislapband.com.au