Conflict resolution

conflict

Here is a conflict resolution PLAN and at the end a conflict resolution exercise to help you with your interpersonal relationship. Communication remains the number one issue that gets in the way of a healthy relationship. Very few people know how to be a good communicator as the process is much more complicated than most realize. When you take the time to communicate with your partner, consider the environment in which you chose to discuss something. Is the space you’re in quiet, comfortable, private? Is the timing right? Are you both able to discuss things in a cal m manner…because once it escalates the process shuts down and you are no longer going to get positive results.
Follow the guidelines below to use as a template in your own life

The Conflict resolution exercise

The issue between us is________________
(Write down the issue)
Partner one
I feel _________ when you_________ or I feel_________because ___________
I need_______________because it helps me___________________

My responsibility in this is__________________and I can commit to___________________________________________________________________

To resolve this we could(list as many options as you can think of)________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Partner two
I I need_______________because it helps me___________________

I feel _________ when you_________ or I feel_________because ___________

My responsibility in this is__________________and I can commit to____________________________________________________________________

To resolve this we could… (again, list as many options as you can think of)________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Now take some time to discuss and consider the options available. Make sure the solutions are practical and positive.

Both of you

We have agreed to________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________

The change(s) I am going to make are_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The change(s) my partner is going to make are_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

We will sit down and talk about how the changes are going on…
(set a date)____________________________________________________

Communication exercise
Allow 1 hr 30 minutes each
Facing each other, each person is allowed one uninterrupted 30 min session .Even if you don’t feel you have enough to say for 30 minutes utilize the whole time anyways. The only reason your partner may have to speak at any time during those 30 mins is to ask their partner to a) repeat what was just said or B) to ask for further clarification. After each partner has had 30 minutes to express whatever they needed to express the two are then to depart and not discuss any aspect of this exercise for a minimum of 24hrs
The purpose of this exercise is to both facilitate active listening and effective communication skills.
Some effective communication tips to remember
“I”
Use sentences structuring form your perspective e.g. “I feel”….”I feel hurt when you forget our get –together because I feel as if you don’t value the time you spend with me”
Much better than You sentences “You make me feel sad because you forget our time together.”
Another good communication skill sis “I need” “I need to feel loved, and I need to be heard because it makes me feel safe” rather than “You don’t make me feel safe and you don’t listen to me”

Eliminate “Always, Never, Shoulds and buts”
You always say you’ll do it but never do
You never do anything right
I love you but….
I’m sorry but….
Always and never are so qualifying…how can anyone improve if there is no room for progression.

Deirdre Rolfe MTC
Clinical Hypnotherapist
http://www.counselloroncall.com.au

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s