BOUNDARIES

Creating-Healthy-Boundaries

 

BOUNDARIES: A Minimum Maximum approach to total wellness

Imagine renting a house without doors or windows. I wonder how long it would take before you felt uneasy about it. Eventually… you might imagine…at some point…some undesirable effects may results from this lack of protection. Boundaries in your life are the windows and doors to your home.

I think it can be helpful to establish boundaries in terms of minimums and/or maximums. For instance, you may have a boundary that states you will work out three times per week at a minimum. The minimum is the boundary that defines what is considered “good enough” for your life. You can also set a maximum boundary around working out. This boundary might say that you will not work out more than five times per week – you will allow two days for rest.

The minimum and maximum boundaries protect you from patterns of perfectionism and procrastination.

If you go below your standard, you are not honoring what is important to you. If you go above your standard, it might mean you are placing unrealistic expectations on yourself. Boundaries are designed to protect you and the life that you want to live.

There are seven types of boundaries to consider:

Self-esteem Boundaries
Self-esteem boundaries protect your sense of worth. These boundaries help you feel good about you. What is the minimum you need to do to maintain self-respect? Perhaps you need to follow through on your promises, or maintain honesty in your life. What are the limits you need to set with yourself and other people to make sure your self-esteem is not compromised?

Body Boundaries

What do you need to do to protect your body? What physical limitations might you need to recognize? What standards need to be in place for you to protect your physical health? It could be that a certain minimum amount of exercise or a maximum amount of food or drink is required. It might mean you always honor regular health and dental appointments.

Energy Boundaries
Energy boundaries obviously protect the amount of physical and emotional energy you have to operate from. What energy drains in your life need to be eliminated or minimized? Which energy refuelers must be present to help you maintain the energy you need for your life?

Time Boundaries
Time is a precious commodity. Without the proper time boundaries, we lose something we can never get back. What non-negotiable boundaries must be in place to protect your time? What is the maximum amount of time you will spend on a particular activity, at a specific event, or engaging in work? Time management is all about having clear boundaries.

Space Boundaries
Our space includes any environment we spend time in. We need to protect our spaces so they nourish us and enable us to live our lives optimally. Space is making sure you have your have your own “stuff” to enjoy in your environment, your own special chair, or favorite cup. Pay attention to your needs for organization, cleanliness , quiet, or beauty in your environments. How do you know when your environment is “good enough”? What does the minimum and maximum state of your environments need to look like?

Money Boundaries
Just like time, we need money to survive in this life. Your money boundaries protect your finances. What are the limits you need to set on spending and saving? What is the minimum salary you are willing to work for? Consumer debt, for instance, is the result of unidentified or compromised boundaries.

Relationship Boundaries

What boundaries need to be in place to protect your relationships? Our relationships are truly our greatest gift in life. How much time do we need to spend to nurture our relationships? How much intimacy do you need to feel connected? What limits do we need to set on our behavior in relationships? Boundaries help ensure our relationships remain healthy.

Boundaries are essential to helping us identify who we are, what’s important to us and how we want to live our lives. Without them, other people will decide these things for us.

*Remember, no one can make you feel angry, anxious, unworthy, fat, stupid, incompetent, devalued, or rejected WITHOUT your permission.

 

Write down what you need in this exercise below:

 

Self-esteem Boundaries 

 

Body Boundaries 

 

Energy Boundaries

 

Time Boundaries

 

Space Boundaries
Money Boundaries

 

Relationship Boundaries

 

Deirdre Rolfe

Clinical Hypnotherapist

www.counselloroncall.com.au

 

Advertisements

Ho to get your mojo back?Designed for women but men can follow these rules too.

Did you know one fo the biggest complaints women commonly share is general malaise.Its not “depression” or chronic fatigue syndrome, or low libido, or menopause or just weight gain from overeating…although it could seem like all of these.No, its because you’ve lost your MOJO.

So how do did you lose it?

And more importantly , how do you find it?

Rule # 1

Stop making everyone in your life a priority over YOU

Think about it, if you really want to be a great Mom, Wife, friend or employee or business owner…then you need to take care of you first.That way everyone else gets the happy, positive, refreshed, real you, not the worn out, resentful, sleep deprived grumpy you.

Rule # 2

Get Moving

Nothing will make you feel more empowered, less stressed, happier, control your eating, and open your mind , faster , than exercise.Its the feel good pill you deserve.Crave endorphins not calories.

Sleep

Get enough sleep.A foogy irritable brain will make foggy irritable decisions creating foggy irritable moods which create foggy irritable actions which create foggy irratible over eating .So, take a warm lingering bath, have a hot cuddly drink, watch a spirit lifitng show on TV or curl up to a good book and get a good night’s sleep.

Sex

Yes , have more sex….its good for you.Why…well…let me give you just a few reasons why….

1.Our mental and emotional health balance is clearly influenced by sex. Abstinence is known to causea range from anxiety to paranoia and depression.In fact, in cases of depression,studies show, after having sex the brain releases endorphins, that decrease stress, inducing a state of euphoria, lifing mood. 

Intimacy

Kisiing, holding hands, cuddling are all releasing oxytocin

Cleaning up the clutter in our lives

Get-Organized-With-This-Declutter-Mantra1

Cleaning Up the Clutter in Our Lives

Ever notice how as things get jumbled in your mind those loose papers, and little piles of “things” start to build up. Sometimes we put off alleviating the clutter until we are immersed in it. The more those things build up the more overwhelmed we become as our mind’s become over loaded and we just don’t know where to begin. Life becomes a juggling act as we are constantly running to catch up.

Our moods shift, we feel disoriented, we get foggy brain, gain weight, feel thrown off kilter, always trying to “catch” up on things, spending way more time looking for things than just getting things done. It becomes “contagious” a few drawers become an untidy car, and the more it affects how we feel, the more it can infiltrate into the way we dress, eat, act, think. Clutter IS a powerful metaphor in our lives.

If we wait until the clutter builds up , it can become a very disheartening and tedious experience.

The act of spring cleaning our homes, cars, offices, wardrobe and general environment can often be exactly what we need to have that fresh start.

 Clearing the way and ultimately clearing the mind…clearing our bodies…clearing our lives and work opportunities… for new things.

What are you holding on to that you can let go of in your own environment and within the caverns of your mind?

You may not be able to consciously “identify” any associations from your things to your mind as a lot of this exercise is actually releasing the kinesthetic release. That’s the “emotional” stuff you hold onto in your body. So in removing the clutter…chances are you won’t just THINK clearer…you will FEEL clearer…lighter…more optimistic.

If you find yourself a little overwhelmed, or indecisive or simply feeling stuck in a rut, chances are by clearing your environment you will clear the way in your mind to see a new path.

This is an opportunity for you to prepare your environment for the new seeds of growth you are ready to plant.

The purpose of this exercise is twofold. One is the clutter in our environment and the other is the clutter in our minds. Both situations can generate frustration, exhaustion and much more as we are constantly reminded of things we may or may not have been willing to let go of. They represent holdings on. They could represent nostalgia, memoirs, and laziness … different meanings for different people. Whatever your environment represents for you it’s important to recognize the metaphor as an outward representation of the inward experience.

EXERCISE:

Start with one room and divide the contents of your “things” into 3 piles,

A) Absolutely throw out

B) Maybe keep

C) Absolutely must keep

Once you’ve done that:

1)      Discard the outs

2)      Negotiate the maybes. Ask yourself;

“Have I worn it in over a year?”, or

“Do I use it or is there some emotional attachment to it?” “Do I just want it, or do I NEED it”

3)      Buy organizers (plastic containers, or boxes) to make your job easier.

You’ll be amazed how wonderful your mind, your body, your work ideas, your emotional wellness and ultimately your new outlook will be.

Deirdre Rolfe

Counselloroncall

Clinical Hypnotherapy

www.counsellorncall.com.au

www.hypnosislapband.com.au

Change 1 thing toward craving a healthier YOU

Heart-Healthy-Foods

Most people when they come to see me want hypnosis to help them learn how to crave healthy foods.This process is a MIND process involving both the reprogramming of the “habit’s” and “associations” in your subconscious AND the conscious reframe you use when considering foods.Think about it….most of the JUNK or weight gaining food you tell yourself you LOVE…you don’t…what you love is the associations and imagined effect you get from that food.A reward or treat, a reliever of boredom or distraction, a childhood reminder or holiday association.If you REALLY thought about what that food was really made of, what it did to your body and how it made you feel physically and mentally…you wouldn’t just walk away , you’d RUN.

In order to reprogram your mind you need a few factors.

Firstly whatever we do repeatedly with positive reinforced emotions creates a program after approximately 10 x’s of repeating it.So, lets say you want to replace coffee with green tea, each time your each for green tea really think about all the wonderful benefits it offers you.Take time out to really be aware of the ritual ; get your favorite cup, invest in a beautiful teapot, feel the warmth of that mug, and how good you feel as you take time out for you to enjoy each warm soothing sip, feel your skin  beginning to glow and become aware as your  metabolism is revving up with each and every sip.

Because you see, if we really allow ourselves to wake up and become aware of the TRUTH….the truth is…what we know as clean, fresh foods; fruits, vegetables, low GI, dark grainy breads, raw nuts, Essential oils and vitamins, actually can become that food we crave naturally, effortlessly when we focus on what it does for us, and how it makes us feel.

So to get you started….heres 1 thing  you can change today that will create an enormous shift.All you need is to change 1 thing to get the wheels turning in a new direction toward a new healthier happier leaner YOU. 1 thing

GREEN TEA

Did you know green tea has several amazing healthy properties that can make some powerful changes quickly.Fiirstly green tea revs up your. metabolism and can make you lose weight.But did you know greentea can also reverse the signs of sun damage in skin.Not to mention its a lovely warm soothing drink, perfect for these chilly nights.

 

We need a Break

forest

We need a break.

We are all on technological overload.In fact on average we now use 4.4  hrs per day on information technology consumption, outside of work.Yup, emails, Facebook, twitter, Skype, texting , instagram and all those other apps and social media “habits’ are potentially threatening our Minds and our bodies.We all need a break.Yes, it’s true we are hard-wired for information satisfaction, but the pathway toward that valuable information is overloaded with time delaying ,energy zapping ,brain deteriorating, immune breaking, stress inducing ,WASTE.

How serious is this “habit” of overloading, time-consuming, on call, behaviour?Recent studies indicate a much higher rise in healthy individuals now presenting with Depression and Anxiety. Mental overload weakens the immune system, creates foggy brain, increases anger and can even decreases sexual performance and libido.

Visits to forests have been shown to improve the activity of natural killer cells, our frontline of immune defenders.A Walk  in a forest or contemplation in a forest is associated with lower stress hormone levels and other physiological markers of stress.In a separate study involving 11,00 adults living more than 1 km from  green space,subjects were shown to have a 42 percent increase in stress and poor scores on evaluations of general health, vitality, mental health and bodily pain.

Brainwave activity has been measured using a EEG confirming higher Alpha waves when viewing nature scenes when compared to urban scenes, indicating a state of relaxed wakefulness and lowered anxiety.

Dutch researches reported a prevalence of 15 of the top 24 disease clusters were LOWER in those who lived among (or regularly spent time) in green spaces.

A mere 10 % increase in time spent in green space was associated with resiliency against chronic disease.

In a Korean study on brain imaging  subjects viewing nature scenes increased activity in those brain areas associated with heightened empathy, and altruistic motivation.

Finally in a study on memory those subjects who viewed nature scenes had enhanced accuracy in target detection, faster reaction times, and a higher number of correct responses in the challenges and memory recall.

A walk for just 20 mins to 1 hour, in nature, significantly improves mental performance , mental and emotional wellness and physical health.

For the kids: Similar studies have been proven true for children with ADHD.Get these kids gardening, walking and out in nature for overall health and mental performance at home and school.

So today ,  put your phone down, turn off the computer, and start your “walking” plan, and feel your neurons lighting up in glee.

Deirdre Rolfe

Clinical Hypnotherapist

CounsellorOnCall

www.counselloroncall.com.au

deirdrerolfe@counselloroncall.com.au

Stress is the #1 cause of disease.If you have generalized anxiety and or depression or stress, Hypnosis can help you reclaim your life.Book in for a session or call to ask how I can help you be the CALM, confident , BEST you.