MINDSET

Brain scanning technology is quickly approachi...

Brain scanning technology is quickly approaching levels of detail that will have serious implications (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What IS a MINDSET?

Both success and failure start in the MIND as a thought.Each thought then sets off a flood of electro-chemical energy in your physical brain.Your related mind-set then determines how you will evaluate and respond to that thought.

A mindset is a “mental tendency or habit”.Most of us get stuck here.Our mindsets lead us through life,for good or for bad.We just except it as part of who we are.Often feeling powerless to affect any of the changes we desire.However, our mindset tendencies or habits go much deeper.A mindset is really only the superficial level.Go deeper, and you will discover the actual source lies in your subconscious.

What is behind a limiting mindset?

Your mind-sets will either carry you forward or limit you.But whether positive or negative,mindsets are mental gates that have a very real physical reality in your brain.The gates take advantage of a natural tendency of your brain to favor the familiar – often called habits.

Our brains naturally establish neural pathways that direct our actions.If you have always driven a certain way to work, your brain will lay that out in your brain as a very stable neural network.Then when you get into your car to go to work, you don’t even need to think about where you are going. Your actions are automatic.

The same thing happens when you think a though of “starting a new business”.Your brain will immediately look for the most stable pre-existing “start of of new business” neural network and will direct your thoughts and actions along that path.It then connects with physical set points that create your ‘start a new business” mindset.

What are setponts?

Set-points are something .like gates that place limits on your thoughts and actions.If you had a painful failure when you once tried to “start a business” you will likely have a physical set-point that will try to save you from future failure and pain.These set points are embedded in emotionally charged neural networks that create your mindsets, and are  at the core of what you feel are your personal limitations.

Improve your potential.

To build a true success mind-set , your need to dive in and remodel the set-points built into your subconscious mind.You could spend years in counselling to do this, but there is a much faster far more enjoyable way…HYPNOSIS.

OK then, so what is a thought?

On the level of your mind, a thought is basically energy that cause an electro-chemical response in your brain.The net result is that your brain’s neurons then fire in a certain pattern.That produces tiny currents of electrical energy that pass along definite pathways.These currents can be traced as “brain waves” by attaching electrode to your skull and attaching the electrodes to an EEG.

Your Brain  actually produces between 5 and 10 volts of brain wave energy-enough to light up the inside of a refrigerator.

The electrical current produced by your thought is then broadcast in  the form of electromagnetic brain waves to each of your cells-and also straight out into your environment.

So what does THAT say about your mind’s limitless potential?

YOUR SUCCESS OR FAILURE IN ANY ASPECT OF LIFE IS NOT RANDOM OR ACCIDENTAL.IT IS THE DIRECT RESULT OF BELIEFS AND EXPECTATIONS STORED IN YOUR DEEP MIND.

Your mind’s set points are not based on your true mind power, physical or success potentials.They are experience based memories that have become set into your brain’s neural networks so solidly that they have becomes beliefs.

And even your beliefs are NOT what you think.They are seldom accurate and can be totally false and do NOT necessary serve you at all.They may actually be trapping you in a limited reality that does NOT reflect who you can be..

QUESTION

Is your reality reflecting the brain you want….or the brain you have?

HYPNOSIS WORKS

Deirdre Rolfe

http://www.counselloroncall.com.au

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The Monkey Trap:The art of letting GO

 

The Monkey Trap

 

 

Monkey-Mia-MJK-Australia

THE MONKEY TRAP

In Southeast Asia many years ago someone developed an ingenious method to catch monkeys alive and unharmed. The “Monkey Trap” which was developed was very simple; the hunter would take a coconut, carve a hole into it and place some dried fruit and nuts inside, then chain it to a tree. The heat of the day would cause the odors of the treats to attract monkeys to the delectable monkey treats. The monkey smells the treats and reaches inside the coconut and grabs onto the fruit and nuts, forming a tight fist. As the monkey attempts to extract the treat from the coconut, the monkey finds that their fist full of food will not fit through the narrow opening. The monkey excited and frustrated will scream as he continues to hold on to his food and attempts to remove it from the coconut. This is a sign for the hunter to walk over to the monkey and throw a net over to capture it. Even as the monkey sees the hunter approaching instead of letting go of the food the monkey holds on to the food tighter and tries even harder to dislodge it’s arm and fist of food from the coconut.

Of course you and I realize that to escape from the monkey hunter, the monkey simply had to let go of the food and it would have easily been able to slide her/his hand out of the coconut and freedom and an abundance of fruit and nuts was all around. All the monkey had to do was LET GO!

We humans would be smart enough to simply let go to gain our freedom, knowing we had other choices all around us…would we not?

Of course we would like to think that we are smart enough to let go of something to gain our freedom, however the truth is, many of hang on to things so tightly that we become fixated, limited, blinded, imprisoning ourselves, when all we have to do is be willing to let go to gain our freedom. To open up to a wealth of choices and opportunity all around us.

Letting go, the art of surrender is one of the hardest things we all face. It’s one of those things we think about, scrutinize over, get stuck in. The reality is, the hardest part is trusting to just do it, just let it go, and then you realized it was much easy than you imagined. Even better than that, is your vision broadens and you now have so much more right in front of you.

So today, take a moment to consider this story in your own life. What/who are you holding on to? Anger, an idea, a person, a negative thought or feeling or statement about yourself, a sense of powerlessness or limitation? What/who do you have a death grip on that you refuse to let go of? What would happen if you decided to let go? How good would it feel to free yourself from your personal “monkey trap”?

It is all up to you, you can decide right now, today to release your grip and walk away, be free!

What will you let go of today?

Deirdre Rolfe

Clinical Hypnotherapist

CounsellorOnCall

www.counselloroncall.com.au

 

 

 

 

What you FOCUS on…YOU CREATE.

 

What you focus on, you create.

The most important component of your mind, is what you focus on, you create.You see we all THINK we are freely, consciously responding to our lives.But the truth is, we are all functionals, responding to our inner programs, most of which we didn’t even design.From the time we are born our subconscious mind is imprinted with billions of bits of information processed through our senses of sight, sound, feeling/touch, taste and smell, filtered as we get older through our values, beliefs and cultural, environmental experiences.These programs become our actions, shape our thoughts, influence our feelings and become what we believe is our reality.Most of these programs you currently live by, are actually the statements, gestures, whispers,actions and reactions of people who helped shape your mind:parents,siblings,aunts,uncles,teachers,clergy,neighbours,strangers,culture,environment.They are even you programs, and yet we feel powerless, stuck on these old outdated 8-track programs that desperately need updating.But most of us don’t even know how to do that.

By the time my clients come to see me, they are frustrated from their own sense of powerlessness and cyclical trance state their lives are stuck on.Addicitons to smoking, over eating, gambling, emotional limitations like stagnant anger or powerlessness, or low self-esteem, anxiety or depression.Feelings of not being “allowed: to express their true selves, of feeling somehow disconnected to the life they feel is stuck in the ritual of mediocre.But here is a secret that’s so profound it’s simple.Within your grasp is the most incredibly powerful opportunity that will unlock this limitless potential in you giving you back the power to reprogram your mind for anything YOU want.This power is the key to how you work and how you can be in complete control of creating all the things you want.This key that unlocks your future is your FOCUS.See most people focus on the problem, not the solution.On the things they hate, those things that limit them or hold them back rather than the goal, or the things you are doing right, can continue to do well.

So, imagine in your hand is a powerful torch (flashlight) with a laser beam intensity.What you shine that light on becomes your range of focus.So let say you were walking down a dark alley and with your powerful torch you simply allowed it to shine on one specific area, which happened to be dirty rubbish covered with rats scurrying all about…if you left it at that your mind would be imprinted with the suggestion and belief that this alley was a dirty, rat infested place.But had you turned you light beam slighty to the left, perhaps you would have seen the night market , with all the curious vendors selling colourful wares.You see you controlled that, you chose to accept and not shine it elsewhere.

In order to reprogram your mind and create the programs that are right for you in your life.Shine that torch on your strenghts.What you can do, are doing, will continue to do.Shine your light on how good you feel making these changes, new choices and focus on all the benefits .As you redirect your focus, your redirect your thinking, as you redirect your thinking , you redirect your feelings, as you redirect your feelings, you redirect your actions.

The more you do this, you create what we call FLOODING.Flooding or repetition is what anchors or imprints your subconscious mind.

So today focus on what you want, what you can do to get what you want, the benefits of getting what you want as if you’ve already received them…and go out and buy yourself a torch.Keep it in your pocket or your purse and several times a day, feel it in your hand, look at it and let it remind you of its power and what it represents.

Deirdre Rolfe

Clinical Hypnotherapist and Clinical Counsellor

www.counselloroncall.com.au

Success is a journey not a destination:The only failure is when you QUIT

success

Famous people that almost quit

How do you measure success? Is it a certain amount of money? Is it the person who has the biggest muscle or that ripped 6 pack? Is it the person who drives the Mercedes, owns a large home, a yacht? How is success measured? You’ve all heard the saying “It’s the journey not the destination” Well, I believe this is the true measure of success. What I think success is for me is having healthy beautiful children, enjoying a wonderful relationship with them, having grandkids, a loving partner, a beautiful home, an amazing cabin in the woods, pets I love, a business I’m passionate about, giving back to others as a means of paying it forward, hard work ethics, love, health, the gift of being alive, freedom, intelligence, expression, gratitude …all of these things are how I measure success and I feel overly abundant in my life…even if my car is an old , outdated worn out junk…because I don’t care…it gets me where I need to go…and I feel rich and successful in those areas that matter.

But I’m not saying my way is the right way. It’s a personal thing, other’s measure success very differently, and that’s ok. But what’s’ important and what we all need to agree with, it whatever your passions, whatever your focus, success comes from the continuation of doing….action…just keep on keeping on. Because that takes guts, that takes heart and perseverance and ultimately that is the real pathway toward success.

We tend to think everyone else just got there easily …that they are just really lucky. But most successful people have the same fears, the same doubts, the same frustrations and rejections. Most successful people know what it’s like to be broke, drive a crap car, but the difference between those that succeed and those that don’t…is they kept on going….they felt like stopping, 1000s of times, but they kept on going. It’s the doing when it’s the last thing you feel like doing that helps you push past those final corners, jump those hurdles and gain the discipline and momentum you need, for success.

Just to prove my point I’ve added several famous successful people’s storied below let it inspire you, let it motivate you to keep going.

We all feel the struggles, we all have those doubts, we all feel those fears…keep ploughing through anyways.

As my wise Mom always said to me “The sun always comes out from behind the clouds”

 

F. W. Woolworth: Some may not know this name today, but Woolworth was once one of the biggest names in department stores in the U.S. Before starting his own business, young Woolworth worked at a dry goods store and was not allowed to wait on customers because his boss said he lacked the sense needed to do so.

Akio Morita: You may not have heard of Morita but you’ve undoubtedly heard of his company, Sony. Sony’s first product was a rice cooker that unfortunately didn’t cook rice so much as burn it, selling less than 100 units. This first setback didn’t stop Morita and his partners as they pushed forward to create a multi-billion dollar company

Harland David Sanders: Perhaps better known as Colonel Sanders of Kentucky Fried Chicken fame, Sanders had a hard time selling his chicken at first. In fact, his famous secret chicken recipe was rejected 1,009 times before a restaurant accepted it.

 

Walt Disney: Today Disney rakes in billions from merchandise, movies and theme parks around the world, but Walt Disney himself had a bit of a rough start. He was fired by a newspaper editor because, “he lacked imagination and had no good ideas.” After that, Disney started a number of businesses that didn’t last too long and ended with bankruptcy and failure. He kept plugging along, however, and eventually found a recipe for success that worked.

 

Albert Einstein: Most of us take Einstein’s name as synonymous with genius, but he didn’t always show such promise. Einstein did not speak until he was four and did not read until he was seven, causing his teachers and parents to think he was mentally handicapped, slow and anti-social. Eventually, he was expelled from school and was refused admittance to the Zurich Polytechnic School. It might have taken him a bit longer, but most people would agree that he caught on pretty well in the end, winning the Nobel Prize and changing the face of modern physics.

 

Thomas Edison: In his early years, teachers told Edison he was “too stupid to learn anything.” Work was no better, as he was fired from his first two jobs for not being productive enough. Even as an inventor, Edison made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb. Of course, all those unsuccessful attempts finally resulted in the design that worked.

 

Oprah Winfrey: Most people know Oprah as one of the most iconic faces on TV as well as one of the richest and most successful women in the world. Oprah faced a hard road to get to that position, however, enduring a rough and often abusive childhood as well as numerous career setbacks including being fired from her job as a television reporter because she was “unfit for tv.”

 

Jerry Seinfeld: Just about everybody knows who Seinfeld is, but the first time the young comedian walked on stage at a comedy club, he looked out at the audience, froze and was eventually jeered and booed off of the stage. Seinfeld knew he could do it, so he went back the next night, completed his set to laughter and applause, and the rest is history.

 

Fred Astaire: In his first screen test, the testing director of MGM noted that Astaire, “Can’t act. Can’t sing. Slightly bald. Can dance a little.” Astaire went on to become an incredibly successful actor, singer and dancer and kept that note in his Beverly Hills home to remind him of where he came from.

 

Vincent Van Gogh: During his lifetime, Van Gogh sold only one painting, and this was to a friend and only for a very small amount of money. While Van Gogh was never a success during his life, he plugged on with painting, sometimes starving to complete his over 800 known works. Today, they bring in hundreds of millions.

 

Steven Spielberg: While today Spielberg’s name is synonymous with big budget, he was rejected from the University of Southern California School of Theater, Film and Television three times. He eventually attended school at another location, only to drop out to become a director before finishing. Thirty-five years after starting his degree, Spielberg returned to school in 2002 to finally complete his work and earn his BA.

 

J. K. Rowling: Rowling may be rolling in a lot of Harry Potter dough today, but before she published the series of novels she was nearly penniless, severely depressed, divorced, trying to raise a child on her own while attending school and writing a novel. Rowling went from depending on welfare to survive to being one of the richest women in the world in a span of only five years through her hard work and determination.

Elvis Presley: As one of the best-selling artists of all time, Elvis has become a household name even years after his death. But back in 1954, Elvis was still a nobody, and Jimmy Denny, manager of the Grand Ole Opry, fired Elvis Presley after just one performance telling him, “You ain’t goin’ nowhere, son. You ought to go back to drivin’ a truck.”

Michael Jordan: Most people wouldn’t believe that a man often lauded as the best basketball player of all time was actually cut from his high school basketball team. Luckily, Jordan didn’t let this setback stop him from playing the game and he has stated, “I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot, and I missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

 

Babe Ruth: You probably know Babe Ruth because of his home run record (714 during his career), but along with all those home runs came a pretty hefty amount of strikeouts as well (1,330 in all). In fact, for decades he held the record for strikeouts. When asked about this he simply said, “Every strike brings me closer to the next home run.”

Write your name here(and write your future on these lines, create you own outcome)

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

The only failure is when you QUIT

I wonder which one of you will have their name on this list.

It’s up to you, but if you keep going, no matter what, then it’s just a matter of time

I wonder… which of the rest of you…will be the ones… that almost did?

YOU DECIDE

It begins with 1 decision

You never know what’s just around the corner

Deirdre Rolfe

Clinical Hypnotherapist and Clinical Counsellor

www.counselloroncall.com.au

Is your relationship TOXIC:Take the test …TEST 1 for couples TEST 2 for friendships

 

relationships-logo

TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS TESTS

   For each of the following questions, check ONE of the boxes designated as:

                                    Almost always, Often, Rarely (but sometimes), Never. 

*Use your first response.

 

 

  • Non-spouse Test #1 = ”Spouse” can be interchanged to test any person in your life with whom you are in a sexual or romantic relationship to determine if they are toxic for you.

 

  • Non-spouse Test #2 = Test for non-sexual relationships, i.e., boss, business partner, mother, father, aunt, uncle, sibling, mother-in-law, father-in-law, friend etc..

 

 SPOUSE/PARTNER TEST  #1 

 (For spouse/partner with whom you are in a romantic relationship.  The word “Spouse” can be substituted for Partner, mate, boyfriend, or girlfriend.)

 

1.         My spouse emotionally supports me in all areas of my life when I’m upset, stressed out, or in pain.          

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

2.         I can disagree with my spouse/partner without upsetting him/her.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

3.         My spouse is sensitive and respectful of my feelings and my needs.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

4.         My spouse freely gives money to me without

questioning me what it is for.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

5.         My spouse easily praises me (outside of times of sexual relations).

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

6.         When my spouse gets really angry with me, he ________ can control his anger.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

7.         My spouse is open to me about his weaknesses and we are emotionally very close.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

8.         My spouse encourages me to have my own friends and activities outside of our relationship.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

9.         My spouse is completely respectful of me during sex, and I am at ease with his/her methods and requests.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

10.       My spouse consults with me before making large purchases and investments. 

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

11.       My spouse is easy to plan and schedule activities with.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

12.       My spouse easily controls his temper with me and/or with the kids:

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

13.       I think my spouse loves truly loves himself/herself.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

14.       My spouse gives freely of his emotions to me to better our relationship.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

15.       My spouse acts like he/she trusts me.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

16.       My spouse admits his/her mistakes and says, “I’m sorry”, when wrong.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

17.       When I tell/ask my spouse/partner to do something, he/she will do it willingly, and without conflict.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

18.       My spouse makes me feel like I can do everything right for him/her.           

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

19.       My spouse stops himself before criticizing me, or saying something verbally abusive to me.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

20.       My spouse likes me to be in charge, instead

of him/her.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

21.       In a crisis, my spouse______________ acts without getting angry or upset.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

22.       Our relationship gives my life peace.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

23.       My spouse puts me, and my needs, above his/her buddies, activities, and hobbies.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

24.       My spouse listens and communicates with me without conflict.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

25.       My spouse prevents all forms of physical abuse in our home, to include hitting, slapping, pushing and/or shoving.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

26.       I would ________________see my spouse/partner throw objects at me,

the wall, or at the children.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

 TESTS #1

SCORING YOUR TEST RESULTS:

Add up the number of times each answer was used:

                                                        PTS.          TOTALS

Almost always            _________x   1   =      _________

            Often              _________x   2   =      _________

            Rarely             _________x   4   =      _________     

            Never              _________x   6   =      _________

 

                        TOTAL SCORE       _________

 

KEY:

Almost always            =          1 point

Often                          =          2 points

Rarely                         =          4 points

Never                          =          6 points

 

 IMPORTANT SCORING NOTE:

 

**IF YOUR ANSWER TO #25, ON TEST #1, WAS ANY ANSWER OTHER THAN “ALMOST ALWAYS”, YOU MUST ADD 15 POINTS TO YOUR OVERALL SCORE.

 

 

 

NON-SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP TEST  #2

 

1.         I feel like he/she works against me.   

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

2.         He/she criticizes me__________.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

3.         He/she is insensitive to my feelings and requests for change.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

4.         He/she says negative things to me.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

5.         When he/she tells/asks me to do something, there is no negotiation.  It is “My way, or the highway”.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

6.         I feel like I have to defend myself, my family, and my opinion from him/her.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

7.         He/she is emotionally distant towards me.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

8.         He/she resents me for spending time with friends or other people on his/her time.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

9.         He/she tells inappropriate things that embarrass or degrade me, my race, religion, sex or occupation.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

10.       He/she lies about things or misrepresents the truth.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

 

 

11.       He/she thinks that he/she is always RIGHT.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

12.       He/she cannot control his/her temper and explodes with little warning.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

13.       He/she uses blame, guilt and shame to get me to comply with what he/she wants me to do or think.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

14.       He/she is a taker in our relationship.  I do most of the giving.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

15.       He/she does not trust me or my intentions.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

16.       He/she cannot admit mistakes, or blames them on others.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

17.       He/she says one thing and does another.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

18.       He/she _____________tries to control me.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

19.       He/she expects a lot from me, but _________shows no appreciation.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

20.       He/she will embarrass me or others without showing remorse.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

21.       He/she remembers events differently and switches the truth around to serve his/her story.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

22.       He/she is stingy with money.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

23.       Communication with him/her is like a competition of words.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

24.       He/she calls me, my children, and/or others names, like idiot, stupid,…etc.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

25.       I am usually the first to try to resolve our conflicts or to say, “I’m sorry”.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

26.       If I make suggestions for change, he/she gets defensive.

         Almost always__, Often__, Rarely__, Never__.

 

 TESTS #2:

SCORING YOUR TEST RESULTS:

Add up the number of times each answer was used:

                                                        PTS.          TOTALS

Almost always            _________x   6   =      _________

            Often              _________x   4   =      _________

            Rarely             _________x   2  =       _________     

            Never              _________x   1 =        _________

 

                        TOTAL SCORE       _________

 

KEY:

Almost always            =          6 points

Often                          =          4 points

Rarely                         =          2 points

Never                          =          1 point

 

 

 

 

*The relationship analysis .

 

 

SCORING ANALYSIS

 

A.)       (Scores between  81 – 181 points)

The good news is that you have been honest with yourself and have come face to face with your pain and discontent.  You will no longer suffer in silence.  The bad news is that you are in a highly TOXIC RELATIONSHIP and it is affecting you deeply.  The higher your test score, the more toxic your relationship is for you. 

You feel less, rather than more, from this relationship because it is chipping away at YOU.  Your partner is a TAKER, and you are probably the GIVER in the relationship and your well has run dry!! If you have the ability to do so- try to avoid this person.  Your health will be better and your frustration level will go down.  Plus, you will have more peace in your life.  This may mean detachment from your partner, leaving your job, saying, “No” to get-togethers, or asserting your independence.  It’s time to take care of you and think about your future and happiness.  If you do not want to lose this relationship, be prepared to work, consistent, hard work to return you to a position of empowerment, but it will be worth it. 

  Ask yourself, “Do I want to live my next 20 years like I have been living the past ones while in this relationship?” 

My hope and goal is to help you find the lost YOU, and to restore some of the power you have relinquished in this relationship.  I want to re-write the script you are playing out, and teach you what you can expect in this relationship if things don’t change; and then empower you to make the necessary changes. 

 Empowerment Skills are a vitally important “First Step” to the process of strengthening your position in this relationship.  From this point forward, you will not give up any more power in this relationship, nor be controlled by someone that does not have your best interests as a priority.  Part of you has undoubtedly been lost over the time spent in this relationship.  If you have stayed long enough, you may even see changes in your personality.  You may have already become more defensive, more combative, and angry.

  Your eyes will now be opened and you will never see relationships the same again.  You are not alone, and you are not crazy.  You haven’t caused this relationship to be toxic.  However, you have undoubtedly given and given to this relationship without receiving back from your partner, and by doing so, have contributed to your own pain.

By saving YOU, you may ultimately SAVE this relationship.  It is a long process to remove toxicity and get your relationship back on track. 

**Remember, if Test #1, answer #25 about physical violence, was answered in any way other than “Almost always”, you cannot stay in this relationship.  Physical violence cannot exist in a healthy long-term relationship.  There is a better future for you in a new relationship.  The relationship is too toxic to remain in a physically abusive relationship.  Do not minimize or rationalize why physical violence occurred.  No matter what the reason, it is not a valid one.  There is not, nor ever will be, a time when physical violence against a spouse is an acceptable means to solve a problem.

Start today, to  implement the necessary Empowerment Skills to strengthen yourself.  In a highly toxic environment, it is almost impossible to be objective.  If you cold get away for a period of time it would help to clear your mind.  Read on and you will understand why, Remember, take care of YOU!!  YOU ARE WORTH IT!

(Additional analysis for Test #2)

No amount of money is worth living in an environment of negativity and stress that promotes bad health.  If you are in an atmosphere that is toxic, painful, hurtful, and confusing, you must remove yourself and detach immediately.  Beginning again may be the smartest solution for you.  It is time to consider your health and well being.  Toxicity spreads, and can affect your health long-term if you do not limit contact.

 

B.)       (Scores between   56 – 80 points)

NO relationship starts out TOXIC.  Rather, the relationship becomes toxic one baby step at a time and yours is on its way.  You have a relationship where you are relinquishing power on a continuum.  It may not happen daily, but you are slowly being robbed of your power weekly, or perhaps monthly, in your case.  This relationship is also Toxic (especially the higher your number) although NOT as fully enmeshed in toxicity as category #1 above. At this point, your partner has not fully asserted or flared his ugly head in all areas of your relationship, that is, yet

You will soon discover that toxicity in the relationship is a reflection of your compliance.  If you comply with a toxic person’s demands, they will not be compelled to escalate their control mechanisms to the next level.  However, in complying, are you surrendering on, and sacrificing on things that are important to you?  This is exactly how power is stripped from you, by giving up a portion of you, to appease them.

This relationship may only be a few years away from becoming fully TOXIC as described in category #1.  You are now feeling frustrated at times in this relationship due to your partner’s assertion of control over many areas of your life.  If you continue to relinquish power, over time, you will feel further frustration and pain in this relationship.

 Pay very close attention to where you could be heading.  Also pay attention to your need for Empowerment Skills set forth so that your relationship will not deteriorate to one of further toxicity, but rather, -improve.  You ultimately CAN and WILL be taught to take back the reigns that hold your path for the future.  You have within you the ability to turn your relationship around.  You may not change your partner’s behavior.  They have free agency that adamantly resists any change, but you WILL be able to change your reactions and improve the quality of your life.  This will be an eye-opening experience to realize your frustrations are founded and warranted.  You are living with someone who consistently places your needs below theirs.

(Additional analysis for Test #2)

If you have the flexibility to do so, begin to set clear boundaries in this relationship.  If they refuse to respond avoid unnecessary contact.

 

C.)       (Scores between  35 – 55 points)

            The good news is that the relationship is not fully Toxic.  The bad news is that often you feel diminished in this relationship, and do not feel presently in control of many important areas of your life.  You have positive aspects of your relationship, but you are being controlled more than you may have realized which has caused you frustration and discontent at times.  Your relationship is not fully “Golden” either, because there are also times of distrust and inconsiderate behavior that throw you off and cause you to wonder what is going on. 

My advice to you is to protect the relationship that you have now, and importantly, IMPROVE the relationship by firming up your boundaries and empowerment skills NOW, rather than lose any ground in this relationship.  It is easier to improve from where you are now, than to try to revive the relationship later. 

It’s important you solidify your boundaries.  There are always stressful periods that surface in a relationship with conflicts over money, health issues, and debts, jobs, or children issues.  It will be helpful and vital for you to learn now the skills necessary to make it through the tough times surely to come. Good luck in your pursuit of increased knowledge so that your relationship will only improve, and never decline over the years.   Again, “Best Wishes” for a future filled with a happy, healthy, emotionally fulfilling relationship!

 

D.)       (Scores under 34 points)

            Congratulations!  You’ve got a Golden One!!  This score represents a mutually giving and supportive relationship where your needs are being met (providing you were wholly honest in your responses).  This kind of relationship is worth keeping and working on diligently.  This type of relationship is rare.  You may have some minor upsets in the relationship but most problems can and are resolved together. 

Pass this valuable information along to help others in troubled relationships.  That’s the best gift you can offer them as a true friend.  Good relationships don’t just happen by luck.  Healthy people make healthy relationships that lack toxicity.  Emotionally unhealthy people create emotionally unhealthy relationships.  It only takes one toxic person in a relationship to dictate and cause an unhealthy climate for a relationship.  You should be aware that other relationships, outside of your marriage, may develop that are toxic for you.  It will be difficult to spot a toxic person for what they are.  You are not conditioned to see them accurately.  You are only conditioned to see another partner according to your personal experiences.  Always be aware, and especially informed to protect yourself.  As for this relationship,….continue to love freely and enjoy your good fortune!

 (Additional analysis for Test #2)

These are lifelong contacts.  Do not burn your bridges with these golden relationships.  These are the mentors, friends and soul-mates we all look for and cherish in our lives.  These are the types of friends where you can pick right up again where you left off as though you saw one another yesterday, even though, in reality, it has been several years.  Protect and cherish these lasting Golden relationships.

Deirdre Rolfe

Clinical Hypnotherapist and Clinical Counsellor

CounsellorOnCall

For Skype anywhere int he world, 1 on 1 counselling or hypnosis sessions or to purchase any of my cds or books contact me at

www.counselloroncall.com.au

 

Change 1 thing toward craving a healthier YOU

Heart-Healthy-Foods

Most people when they come to see me want hypnosis to help them learn how to crave healthy foods.This process is a MIND process involving both the reprogramming of the “habit’s” and “associations” in your subconscious AND the conscious reframe you use when considering foods.Think about it….most of the JUNK or weight gaining food you tell yourself you LOVE…you don’t…what you love is the associations and imagined effect you get from that food.A reward or treat, a reliever of boredom or distraction, a childhood reminder or holiday association.If you REALLY thought about what that food was really made of, what it did to your body and how it made you feel physically and mentally…you wouldn’t just walk away , you’d RUN.

In order to reprogram your mind you need a few factors.

Firstly whatever we do repeatedly with positive reinforced emotions creates a program after approximately 10 x’s of repeating it.So, lets say you want to replace coffee with green tea, each time your each for green tea really think about all the wonderful benefits it offers you.Take time out to really be aware of the ritual ; get your favorite cup, invest in a beautiful teapot, feel the warmth of that mug, and how good you feel as you take time out for you to enjoy each warm soothing sip, feel your skin  beginning to glow and become aware as your  metabolism is revving up with each and every sip.

Because you see, if we really allow ourselves to wake up and become aware of the TRUTH….the truth is…what we know as clean, fresh foods; fruits, vegetables, low GI, dark grainy breads, raw nuts, Essential oils and vitamins, actually can become that food we crave naturally, effortlessly when we focus on what it does for us, and how it makes us feel.

So to get you started….heres 1 thing  you can change today that will create an enormous shift.All you need is to change 1 thing to get the wheels turning in a new direction toward a new healthier happier leaner YOU. 1 thing

GREEN TEA

Did you know green tea has several amazing healthy properties that can make some powerful changes quickly.Fiirstly green tea revs up your. metabolism and can make you lose weight.But did you know greentea can also reverse the signs of sun damage in skin.Not to mention its a lovely warm soothing drink, perfect for these chilly nights.

 

The Importance of sleep for weightloss

 

835-SP-Good-Sleep

Sleeping for less than 6 hours a night or having poor quality fo sleep can have devastating effects on one’s health.Dr Kristen Knultson form the University of Chicago stated “Poor sleep stimulates the production of ghrelin, a hormone that increases appetite, and at the same time,decreases leptin, the hormone that lets us know when to stop eating.”

So if you want to begin a sucessful weight loss regime you need to ensure youa re getting enough sleep and elliminated stress wherever possibleHolding on to weight is a metaphor for holding onto stressors of everyday life.Its a sign somewhere YOU are imbalanced.

Check out my weight loss series GetPsyched for instant, effective weight Loss hypnosis or check out hypnosis for Deep Sleep or Stress Free or C.A.L.M.

Kind regards

Deirdre Rolfe

Clinical Counsellor and Clinical Hypnotherapist

www.counselloroncall.com.au

 

We need a Break

forest

We need a break.

We are all on technological overload.In fact on average we now use 4.4  hrs per day on information technology consumption, outside of work.Yup, emails, Facebook, twitter, Skype, texting , instagram and all those other apps and social media “habits’ are potentially threatening our Minds and our bodies.We all need a break.Yes, it’s true we are hard-wired for information satisfaction, but the pathway toward that valuable information is overloaded with time delaying ,energy zapping ,brain deteriorating, immune breaking, stress inducing ,WASTE.

How serious is this “habit” of overloading, time-consuming, on call, behaviour?Recent studies indicate a much higher rise in healthy individuals now presenting with Depression and Anxiety. Mental overload weakens the immune system, creates foggy brain, increases anger and can even decreases sexual performance and libido.

Visits to forests have been shown to improve the activity of natural killer cells, our frontline of immune defenders.A Walk  in a forest or contemplation in a forest is associated with lower stress hormone levels and other physiological markers of stress.In a separate study involving 11,00 adults living more than 1 km from  green space,subjects were shown to have a 42 percent increase in stress and poor scores on evaluations of general health, vitality, mental health and bodily pain.

Brainwave activity has been measured using a EEG confirming higher Alpha waves when viewing nature scenes when compared to urban scenes, indicating a state of relaxed wakefulness and lowered anxiety.

Dutch researches reported a prevalence of 15 of the top 24 disease clusters were LOWER in those who lived among (or regularly spent time) in green spaces.

A mere 10 % increase in time spent in green space was associated with resiliency against chronic disease.

In a Korean study on brain imaging  subjects viewing nature scenes increased activity in those brain areas associated with heightened empathy, and altruistic motivation.

Finally in a study on memory those subjects who viewed nature scenes had enhanced accuracy in target detection, faster reaction times, and a higher number of correct responses in the challenges and memory recall.

A walk for just 20 mins to 1 hour, in nature, significantly improves mental performance , mental and emotional wellness and physical health.

For the kids: Similar studies have been proven true for children with ADHD.Get these kids gardening, walking and out in nature for overall health and mental performance at home and school.

So today ,  put your phone down, turn off the computer, and start your “walking” plan, and feel your neurons lighting up in glee.

Deirdre Rolfe

Clinical Hypnotherapist

CounsellorOnCall

www.counselloroncall.com.au

deirdrerolfe@counselloroncall.com.au

Stress is the #1 cause of disease.If you have generalized anxiety and or depression or stress, Hypnosis can help you reclaim your life.Book in for a session or call to ask how I can help you be the CALM, confident , BEST you.

How can we make people change?

How can we make people change?

Most people focus on how they can get their partner, parent or friend…to change.That direction of energy only compounds the problem and is futile as …changing someone else…is IMPOSSIBLE.We therefore must focus on ourselves…as change is an internal process.It is through this process however we can effect change in another.Change can take years, or change can be instant…it begins with a decision.Once change occurs, the perception is altered creating a new reality.Change is powerful, change is linear…stepping out of that cycle or loop of powerlessness allows you to tap into your true strength.Change begins with surrender…true control IS surrender…trusting in oneself to let go of that which is outside of your power and trusting in your own inner resources to deal with it.Letting go, in fact, is most difficult in the prethought of that action, once its done…immediate relief soon follows.Accept others for their strenghts and weaknesses, focus on the evolution of YOU.
Deirdre Rolfe
http://www.counselloroncall.com.au